St. Joe's Consecration 1 - Identity as a Child of the Father

Psalm 130 

With the Lord there is mercy and fullness of redemption

I trust in the Lord;

My soul trusts in His Word.

More than the watchmen wait for the morning--

More than the watchmen wait for the morning,

I wait for You.

What is it, then, for our hearts to rest in God? All human discontent can be summed up as not being in union with God. Therefore, union with God should be the only principal goal we pursue. This is a process. We don't get there all at once: the journey to union with God is the story of our own human development. 

We enter fully into God through the door of the humanity of Christ. We can't hope to develop our humanity in some way different from the way Christ developed His humanity--by means of a human mother and father through a poor and humble life in Nazareth. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(pp. 11-12)

Bottaro and Settle

Holy Family (by Vivian Imbruglia)

Who Do I Really See Myself As?

As a weak, often underachieving and disappointing person. Sometimes I believe that I am unworthy of love. I falsely and subconsciously believe that I must prove enough about my value to other people in order to "earn" their love, acceptance, and appreciation. Maybe that comes out in the clothes I wear or the fancy car I had bought when I first moved to DC. Maybe that comes out in my need to appear funny or smart or deep. At work, it explains my nervousness when giving certain presentations. With romantic relationships, in particular, I often beat myself up and am needy and insecure. 

(Imagine living as the child of rich king or a celebrity with endless resources)

Who is my actual father?

God the Creator of the Universe. The one who runs after me in His goodness and mercy. 

What kind of disposition should I walk around with?

Like I am cared for, protected, and provided for. That I have a mission and purpose that's much bigger than I can imagine. That God hopes that I live this mission every day. More than that, that He has given me so many gifts, protected me from so many consequences from my seen, that He gives me daily consolations and joys. He has given me such a big heart that cares and feels for other people and finds peace in His loving presence. 

How does this compare with the disposition I typically carry myself with?

It's almost the polar opposite. There's so much trust and peace and steadiness in the second disposition. Fewer ups and downs. More openness to see other people as they really are and offer my own gifts to them freely. 

How is my day-to-day emotional life?

It used to fluctuate quite a bit from day to day. I used to struggle to string together two steady and happy days in a row. I'd often feel depressed or anxious. Since completing a Marian consecration, I've experienced less emotional fluctuation. Even so, I still often battled resentments. That last piece, especially resentment about my parents, friends, and women, God has been purging from me more recently after I started an Exodus 90 men's group, prayed more consistently, and committed more concretely to freedom from sin, seeking help where it has been available to me.