St. Joe's Consecration Day 14 - The Vice of Sloth and the Virtue of Zeal

 

In the spiritual life, "acedia" (from the Greek for "lack of care") makes us indifferent, discouraged, and apathetic to the will of God. 

Joseph's life didn't go as planned . . . In the instant of hearing the (Good) news from Mary, his life became anything but simple. . . He was faced with knowing that he would be responsible to protect and raise the Son of God! In that instant, Joseph's plans went up in smoke.

We could give Joseph the benefit of a little moment of hesitancy--wondering if he were up to such a task. If Joseph were prone to acedia, this news could have sent Joseph down a path of life that was too much to bear, a life of discouragement, a life ultimately indifferent to the things of God, a life fleeing from union with God. Throughout scripture, however, we see Joseph's life as a life of action. 

. . . (His was) a heroic love of a man, husband, and father that led him to embrace a willingness to risk his life to protect (Mary and Jesus). 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(pp. 49-50)

Bottaro and Settle

St. Joseph, Terror of Demons

Have you become discouraged with your life, your relationships, or your vocation when things don't go the way you planned? 

Yes:

• Leaving medical school
• Taking longer than I expected to realize my vocation 
• The rocky start to my career

How can you open yourself to the Lord's encouraging will for you?

Remembering first and foremost how much He loves me. If I trust that the Lord's plans are by definition better for me than my own, I can be open to the Lord's will and free to take action to follow where He leads. 

How can even the "action" of a life of prayer help you to overcome apathy in your life?

Prayer is real work. It takes effort, planning, commitment. Prayer is not passive, even mental prayer. But prayer takes on a more active vibe when I do it communally: at Mass, at meals with friends, in small faith-sharing groups. But I need not wait for these social opportunities to be active in my prayer life. Every moment, I have a choice. 

When fatigue and the "noonday devil" hit me, what do I choose to do? Do I seek solace in some temporary distraction or mindless entertainment? Or do I choose to pray? Do I choose to let God be my strength? Do I reach out to Him and rest in Him and seek His counsel when my energy wanes? This will be the difference between my ability to live a life of action and zeal--or succumbing to sloth. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 13 - Vice of Gluttony and Virtue of Temperance

 (Adam and Eve) grasped for more than what they needed, and as a result, perfect love expired from their hearts. . . Gluttony is a disordered desire, which abuses the legitimate pleasure God has attached to it.  It weakens the will. It fosters laziness and impurity. 

(By contrast, Mary) trusted the Lord would provide all that she needed, and that providence came through St. Joseph. 

St. Joseph was a stabilizing force in the life of Our Lady and Jesus. He was their protector and guard, but he was also a source of great love. His chaste love for Our Lady was given in temperance. Temperance . . . "ensures the will's mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what is honorable" (CCC 1809).

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(pp. 47-48)

Bottaro and Settle

Do you find yourself unsatisfied with the things you have been given?

Yes. Sometimes I wish I had a nicer car or lived in a nicer apartment. Sometimes I long for deeper friendships and romantic relationships. Or I read about new models of phones or laptops because I find the electronics I have now deficient or are just bored by them.  

Do you find yourself longing for more of something good? 

I know I have good, increasingly healthy friendships. But sometimes I want more to the point that I can neglect basic aspects of my life that require regular maintenance. 

Are you tempted to grasp for more than what you have?

Yes. A part of me still wants to be seen recognized for being special in some way. So I look to gadgets or clothes or other things to imbue that kind of distinction onto me. 

How can St. Joseph's model of temperance (attraction to a good but within the limits of what is honorable) be a witness of healthy balance in your life?

He chose the better and ultimately more powerful path because he placed the good before him below the ultimate good (God). St. Joseph trusted and believed in God's plan for him. In doing so, he saw the world for what it is and recognized the beauty and greater good of God's promise and love.  

St. Joe's Consecration Day 12: Vice of Lust and Virtue of Self-Mastery

 Romans 8:12-17

Brothers and sisters, we are not debtors to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die, but if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live

    For those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received a spirit of adoption, through which we cry "Abba, Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if only we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him. 

----

The deep spiritual closeness arising from marital union and the interpersonal contact between man and woman have their definitive origin in the Spirit, the Giver of Life. Joseph, in obedience to the Spirit, found in the Spirit the source of love, the conjugal love which he experienced as a man. And this love proved to be greater than this "just man" could ever have expected within the limits of his human heart. 

-Pope St. John Paul II

Redemptoris Custos,

Were (the artists who depicted St. Joseph as a very old man) what Pope St. John Paul II called "masters of suspicion" in his Theology of the Body (people whose hearts cannot see purity and projects impurity onto others)?

. . . St. Joseph was a man who possessed natural desires toward what is true, good, and beautiful . . . Day in and day out, Joseph was surrounded by perfect femininity. But more than that, he loved and was loved by perfect femininity! As a true man, St. Joseph lived (maybe more than any other man) perfect self-mastery. Daily, he ordered his passions, his attractions toward Our Lady toward love. 

. . . Self-mastery needs attraction and passion to order. The real St. Joseph had these qualities, and he had them for Our Lady, as her husband, as a man would. It was in this experience of authentic masculinity that the true power of his self-mastery was opened to the world. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(pp. 45-46)

Bottaro and Settle

CCC 1804: The virtuous man is he who freely practices the good. 

How freely do you practice the good of self-mastery?

In as much as I reject the pull of my own will for passing things of this world, I know I can practice self-mastery. 

What keeps you from freely living a life of virtue? 

There are many distracting consumerist messages around me embedded in addictive social media platforms and psychologically manipulative app algorithms that lead me out of self-mastery. 

On a deeper level, I still carry the mom- and dad-wounds from my childhood that block me from true healing. Healing comes with it a sense of equanimity, that others' words or behaviors won't compel me to hide myself from God and other people or forget the Way to life and union with God that my spiritual guides and the Church have taught me. 

What are areas of your life that are in need of ordering?

• Vocational discernment
• The steadfast toil of work
• My impenetrable identity as a child of God the Father

How has your understanding of the lived experience of St. Joseph, man and husband, changed?

I have greater awe for the great example of self-mastery and love that St. Joseph showed to his spouse Jesus. I admire the fidelity with which he lived in taking on the responsibilities entrusted to him by God the Father. I take joy in the special closeness he found living so close to the Holy Spirit, Who was and is united to Mary.     

St. Joe's Consecration Day 11: Vice of Anger and Virtue of Kindness

Hebrews 5:1-3

Every high priest is taken from among men and made their representative before God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sin. He is able to deal patiently with the ignorant and erring, for he himself is beset by weakness and so, for this reason, must make sin offerings for himself as well as for the people.

Joel 2:13

For gracious and merciful is He, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment. 

 "In the old days, people demanded 'an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,' and to repay evil for evil. Patience was not yet on the earth, because faith was not on the earth either. Of course, impatience made full use of the opportunities the Law gave it. That was easy when the Lord and Master of patience was not here. But now that he has come and put the grace of faith together with patience, we are no longer allowed to attack someone even with a word—not even to call someone a fool without facing the danger of judgment. The Law found more than it lost when Christ said, 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven' (Matthew 5:44-45). This most important commandment summarizes in a word the universal discipline of patience, since it does not allow us to do evil even to people who deserve it."

— Tertullian 

A Year with the Church Fathers: Patristic Wisdom for Daily Living 

(p. 104)

The heart of St. Joseph was molded in these virtues (see Joel 2:13). The way he loved Jesus and Our Lady was from his kind and loving heart. . . As Our Lady was about to deliver Jesus, the kind heart of Jesus desired to protect Our Lady and the Son of God. His kindness to Our Lady provided her a place to rest and deliver Jesus. 

. . . What was the response of Herod's heart when he learned of the Savior's birth? "When Herod realized that he had been deceived by the magi, he became furious. He ordered the massacre of all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had ascertained from the magi. (Mathew 2:16). His response was anger, which led to death. The kindness of St. Joseph led to life!

Do you struggle with responding to frustrations or the unexpected with anger?

Yes, there are times when my initial response to frustrations or the unexpected is to want to blame or disparage someone as the cause for whatever challenge I'm experiencing. I can dwell on their deficiencies or character defects. Or I'll respond to minor frustrations by cursing under my breath. 

How do you show kindness to those around you? In your family? Among your friends? 

I show kindness by giving people the benefit of the doubt. When my first response might be to express anger or frustration, I try to pause and think about the extenuating circumstances and struggles that other people are experiencing. I try to reframe their words or behavior in a better light and respond to them in that better light. I try to assume good intent, even finding the words for that intent when other people aren't able to articulate that themselves. 

Over time I've gotten better at this habitual response, especially with my mom and dad, my sister and my brother. With my friends, I let go of my disappointment and pride and continue reaching out to them even if I sometimes feel unheard or unappreciated. I speak to them with good will and hope and cheerfulness, even when I don't initially feel like adopting such an attitude. 

Do you struggle with receiving the kindness of others? 

No. I think I receive kindness well. I can do better by saying a simple "Thank You," instead of explaining away or qualifying compliments. 

Do you show mercy and kindness to those who have wounded you? Or does your heart still harbor anger? 

Yes, I try very hard to. Sometimes those feelings of anger and resentment from woundedness bubble up, either in response to specific incidents or seemingly at random. I can't control these thoughts appearing. But I can do my best to recognize them for what they are -- the devil's tools for division, self-pity, and unforgiveness. 

Where anger still resides in your heart, let us open that place to the kindness of the Father and ask St. Joseph's intercession for our healing.  

St. Joe's Consecration Day 10: The Vice of Envy and the Virtue of Love

 1 Peter 2:1-3

Rid yourself of all malice and all deceit, insincerity, envy, and all slander; like newborn infants, long for pure spiritual milk so that through it you may grow into salvation, for you have tasted that the Lord is good.

Love finds joy when another is successful. To love another is to be willing to suffer for them. When someone we love is given gifts or graces, we celebrate with them. 

. . . (Jesus and Mary) possessed gifts and graces that St. Joseph could never possess . . . He longed, not to possess or grasp for what they had, but to be a gift to them and humbly receive what they desired to give him -- their love. . . 

To love others with this kind of disinterested love means to first receive the love that God has for us. . . When we are missing this foundation, we will constantly be looking at the gifts of others as things that could give us value instead. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(pp. 40-41)

Bottaro and Settle

Do you long for things that others possess?

Yes, especially a stable family life. 

Do you compare yourself to others?

Yes, whether it's advancement in their vocations or markers of worldly success or adulthood that I lack, I do compare myself to others. I wonder what my life would be like if I had the parental love I needed or certain physical gifts or an earlier emotional maturity that comes from security in love. 

Do you wish that others didn't have the gifts and spiritual graces they do?

Sometimes, they less frequently. For example, I sometimes feel a pang of jealousy when I see engagement announcements or couples' vacation photos or the birth of children. Or I see others professional advances and experience momentary envy. 

I'm better able to happily appreciate the spiritual graces that others receive. 

Are you sad or joyful when a friend receives something you wish you had?

I'm usually joyful. I like to celebrate with friends and recognize and affirm their success and talent. 

Are you willing to suffer for the good of the other?

Yes, but I have to catch myself when I am stressed or tired. My generosity and attention for others can plummet to zero in those situations. 

Are you at peace with what the Father has given you?

No. There's more work and prayer and humility before that can happen. I need to ponder and meditate and God's great love for me. The more I pray and graciously receive His love, the more I can be at peace. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 9: Vice of Greed and Virtue of Generosity

Proverbs 11:24-25

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; 

Another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.

This is the language of greed -- love and selfish desire for the material things, while being blinded to the value of spiritual things. . . St. Joseph lived a life of generosity . . . (He) freely chose to give his life to protect (Mary) and the Son of God. He lavished his love upon them. He protected Our Lady and the Son of God in such a hidden way that even his fellow villagers didn't know who Jesus was. 

St. Joseph knew that the treasure he possessed was the richest of all riches. 

. . . A heart disposed to greed closes itself off to others. 

. . . A generous heart, like the heart of St. Joseph, opens itself and gives everything it possesses. It empties itself for the good of the other. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(pp. 38-39)

Bottaro and Settle

Do you have a love of the things you possess or do you see all you have generously given to you by the Lord? 

I do still have a love of possessions and think too much about objects (e.g., new cell phones, new cars, clothes, etc.). I often forget that God is the source of all that I have. That my very life is a gift. 

Are you selfish about your time, your attention, your money, or sharing what you have?

Usually, no. Perhaps, if I harbor some grudge or resentment against a particular person or see them through the light of my own insecurity.  

How is your heart open to giving to others what the Lord has generously given to you? 

Donating my money to the Church or humanitarian causes. Spending time to join unfamiliar groups with a mission to heal divisions, welcome the marginalized, serve the suffering in my local Baltimore community. To make room for non-judgmental conversations with people facing struggles that are very different from my own. Reaching out to and staying in touch with friends and family, especially those who may be experiencing some kind of spiritual poverty. Teaching catechism, finding the courage to share Christ with others in conversation, especially non-believers.  

What are you holding back for yourself?

A hope or expectation that I'll have one day for myself all the markers of the "American dream" -- a nice car, a beautiful house, other creature comforts. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 8: The Vice of Pride and the Virtue of Humility

 When Joseph awoke from the dream, he humbly set aside his will to obey the will of God. "Instead of defending himself and demanding his rights, Joseph opts for a solution that represents an enormous sacrifice for him." (Pope Francis, homily December 23, 2013). Unlike Lucifer, who was dominated by pride, Joseph made a free and humble choice to serve God. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 36)

Bottaro and Settle

How does pride manifest in my life?

Whenever I feel the need to defend myself, hide my weaknesses, and point out the flaws in other people. Whenever I feel the desire to draw attention to myself or feel slighted if others don't pay attention to me. When I go out of my way to seek validation and affirmation, feeling entitled to it from other human beings, who like me are themselves weak and carrying their own crosses. 

Do I struggle to admit sin in the Sacrament of Confession?

Though I readily to Confession with a sense of hope and resolve, I sometimes find it hard to say plainly my sins without long pre-ambles of context that I use to somehow minimize my culpability. I long to hate more my sin and in a spirit of humility present them straightforwardly to Jesus. 

Practicing honesty with brothers in the faith has helped me be more humble in Confession. Admitting my sin openly and plainly helps take away the sin's power. That is the way to freedom.  

Do I envy others for gifts I don't possess? Do I seek affirmation for my own gifts?

Yes. It's easy to turn life into a series of checkboxes to mark off. For example, the fact that I'm single leads me to envy the people around me who are married and have the gift of a spouse. In doing so, I ignore and commit less seriously to the work God is doing in my soul to prepare me to be with Him. I confuse the means for the end. 

Yes, I do seek affirmation. And I've noticed how resentful I can sometimes be if I'm not affirmed. This leads to distance and barriers in my relationships. 

Am I willing to yield to the will of God for my own life? Or do I seek only my will?

I am willing to yield to the will of God for my life. I long desperately to know and do His will. I know that His plans for me are better than anything I could dream up. I pray that I grow to trust more in God every day.  

Can I share one of my poverties with the Lord today? 

Procrastination. Out of fear or anxiety, I know that I can fail to plan ahead and make steady progress on my work or different responsibilities that I have in my personal life. This ultimately leads to unnecessary stress, conflict, and lower quality outcomes for me. Sometimes I'm dishonest with myself and others about how my deficiencies and idleness have led to difficult circumstances. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 7: Personality Reformation

 Psalm 40:4; Psalm 1:1-2

Blessed are they who hope in the Lord.

Blessed the man who follows not

    the counsel of the wicked

Nor walks in the way of sinners,

    nor sits in the company of the insolent,

But delights in the law of the LORD

    and meditates on his law day and night.

Blessed are they who hope in the Lord

Joseph, who sacrificed his own physical sexuality for the good of his wife and God's plan for both of them, can come to our aid to help us make the sacrifices of love that we are called to make . . . As we unite ourselves more deeply to Christ, spiritually through our Baptism and psychologically through our growth in faith, we can be perfected by the motherhood of Mary and the fatherhood of Joseph, in the perfect school of love of the Holy Family. 

. . . Jesus develops in us, as he developed in the little home of Nazareth . . . This growth occurs in the watchful gaze and guidance of Mary and Joseph. They are our parents in the faith. 

Let's take Mary into our home as Joseph did, trusting in God's plan. 

Let's submit ourselves in silent prayer as Joseph did, in obedience to God's will. 

Let's make courageous decisions when prompted by the Spirit of God as Joseph did, even when they go against what we might feel like doing. 

Let's say "Yes" to God, that Jesus may grow within us and we may become the saints we are created to be. 

Sagrada Familia
Bartalome Esteban Murillo

What part of my personality have I let slide that is not in conformity with the saint God wants me to be? 

My sociability and extroversion, though often a great strength and gift for others, can also be the source of insecurity and distraction. Especially when this part of my personality becomes a mechanism for my own validation and comfort. When I rely too much on the company and attention of my friends and family, when I seek too quickly for their words, their warmth for strength and support, I fail to leave room for the God of infinite grace and mercy to direct me in His Way. 

Especially in moments of trial, suffering, stress, and fatigue, I can conform myself to God's mold and allow Jesus to grow within me if I but put myself in the right disposition for prayer: interior silence, humility, and gratitude for all the great work God is doing in my life and in the world. For salvation comes to us even now in the small moments. And the Kingdom of God is at hand.  

St. Joe's Consecration Day 6 - Love vs Use

 " . . . celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of God not only does not contradict the dignity of marriage but presupposes and confirms it . . . 

. . . Through his complete self-sacrifice, Joseph expressed his generous love for the Mother of God and gave her a husband's 'gift of self.' . . . Joseph obeyed the explicit command of the angel and took Mary into his home, while respecting the fact that she belonged exclusively to God."

-Redemptoris Custos, p. 20

Without faith, we are tempted to look for the satisfaction of our (intense) desire for (intimate and infinite) love here and now. With faith and hope, we direct our longing to something bigger than what we see and feel . . . Faith and hope, even if they require a sacrifice of immediate gratification, draw us out of ourselves and carry us beyond this time to a place where God exists. 

. . . As lofty and spiritual as this formation sounds, it is carried out in the simple circumstances of human lives. It is first experienced in the family. 

. . . Our Father loves us so much that He is ready, willing, and able to provide for us everything that will actually fill our hearts.

What strings are attached to the love I give others?

My love sometimes comes with it an expectation that the people I give love to reciprocate. That they are receptive and gracious and "return the favor." In that sense, it is not a free gift. 

There are many ways my mind can have me focus on how someone else's response to my love is lacking. In the ways that I harbor resentment or grasp at what is only another's to give, my gifts are not free. I am no longer loving the way God loves me. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 5 - Hope vs Despair

Luke 12:35

Jesus said to His disciples: 

Gird your loins and light your lamps and be like servants who await their master's return from a wedding, ready to open immediately when he comes and knocks . . . And should he come in the second or third watch and find them prepared in this way, blessed are those servants."

 

The Prophesy of Simeon

Guided by the Spirit, Simeon came into the temple . . . when the parents brought the child Jesus . . . Simeon took him in his arms and praised God:

". . . My eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the presence of all peoples, a light for revelation . . . "

Luke 2:25,30

"(Jesus's and Mary's) future suffering was ever present to me and became my daily cross. I became, in union with my holy spouse, co-redemptor of the human race. Through compassion for (their) sufferings, I cooperated, as no other, in the salvation of the world. 

St. Joseph's Words to Sr. Mary Eprhem (1958)

Apparitions from Our Lady of the Americas and St. Joseph

To love is to be vulnerable to suffering. To love perfectly is to be vulnerable to the greatest suffering. We look at our Lady who held the dead body of her son and we can't even imagine the pain of that suffering. Yet we also see in her example the witness of perfect hope. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 24)

Bottaro and Settle

Attachments are not things we love, but the things we love without placing them in the context of God's plan. What attachments keep us from perfect hope? What specific relationships or desires do I need to purify?

• An attachment to my parents, especially a misguided desire to please them in hopes of confirming my value as a human being deserving love
• An attachment to my job, as validation of my talents or an outward sign of my abilities and worth to the world, as an indicator that I'm a productive member of society, and therefore worthy of respect, honor, and admiration
• An attachment to the vocation of marriage, especially as it relates to my desire to love, be fruitful and life-giving in the way I see other people love their spouses and raise their children

St. Joseph, hold these attachments, relationships, and desires in your pure heart. 

Help me reorient my love in the full light of God's plan. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 4: Faith vs Doubt

Psalm 91:14

Because he cleaves to me in love,

I will deliver him;

I will protect him,

Because he knows my name.

Joseph's Dream
Edward Jarmosiewicz

What (Joseph) did was the clearest ‘obedience of faith.’ The Council teaches that the obedience of faith must be given to God as He reveals Himself . . . 

. . . Joseph is a kind of reversal of the disobedience of Lucifer. . . Lucifer doubted God’s goodness. Joseph trusted in God’s goodness. Lucifer rejected God’s plan for humanity. Joseph accepted God’s plan for humanity. 

-Redemptoris Custos

In Saint Joseph, we find the model of perfect trust and obedience. He had every reason to fear what lay before him, but he heard the message of the angel and trusted. He knew God's ways and he followed them . . . We are invited to put everything on the line and radically trust that God is good, that He has a plan for us, (that His plan is much better than anything we can imagine for ourselves), and that following His ways will lead us along this path.

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 22)

Bottaro and Settle

How does the devil tempt us to doubt God's plan working in our life?

• By distracting us with the vanities and comforts of the world. By tricking us into preferring these passing things, we focus on what we don't have (in particular, the things others have that we don't). This can lead to envy, self-hatred, anxiety, depression, and even despair. Moreover, we become blind to the opportunities to know and love Christ and to share Christ with the members of His body. 
• Because we focus on what we don't have, forgetting that life itself is an undeserved gift and how overabundantly God's mercy flows and how He runs to be with us, we lose our trust in God the Father. We begin to doubt whether He really cares for us, that He will truly provide for us. We suspect that maybe He is the one trying to trick us or deprive us somehow. All of this doubt, when we ought to know deep down how self-deceptive and confused our very hearts can be. And that we believe in a God who created us and knows us better than we can even know ourselves. 
• Satan (the Great Accuser) wins his battle when he tricks us into accusing our loving God.

What are we afraid of?

• Appearing foolish or naive in front of other people. Being misunderstood.
• That God doesn't actually love us. That we're not good enough to be loved by Him and somehow have to prove or earn our worthiness
• That God is secretly a tyrant and that by surrendering to Him we will lose the things that we have become attached to or seek (pleasure, security, esteem, wealth, status, admiration)  

What are our greatest temptations against faith?

• That somehow we are being lied to or deceived
• That believing will bring on hardships and fearing the hardships more than we love and trust God
• That getting to Heaven will somehow be unpleasant drudgery all the way through; that we're giving up something seemingly valuable for something promised that we can't see and find it hard to even imagine 

 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 3 - Desire for the Infinite

 

"If I find in myself a desire that no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. 

-C. S. Lewis

Mere Christianity

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. 

C. S. Lewis

The Weight of Glory

The Death of St. Joseph
Miguel Cabrera

(Jesus) died for us that we may be restored to a life we don't even clearly realize we lost. 

We may get a sense every once in a while of the infinite chasm of desire that exists within us. It is too terrifying to dwell in for very long, but we are certainly familiar with the lack of having enough. We seek our satisfaction in human love or things of this world, but feel like we are falling short all too often. We then blame ourselves or our loved ones for this emptiness . . .

. . . for now consider this: Jesus saw in his parents as he grew up the greatest human love possible between a husband and a wife, wrapped into the life of celibacy at the same time. The celibate marital love of Mary and Joseph formed Jesus to understand how our insatiable thirst could be directed beyond this world.

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 18)

Bottaro and Settle

What joys has God blessed you with in your life?

• Faithful, self-sacrificing parents
• 2 siblings and 39 cousins, especially the ones I've grown close to
• Academic success and professional achievements
• Warm, enriching friendships 
• A good salary; having a fancy car when I first moved to DC
• Consolations in prayer and in appreciating others strengths and love

Did they leave you satisfied? If so, for how long?

All the joys that have to do with my relationships do bring longer periods of satisfaction, much longer and more significant than, say, my salary or what car I drive. But even then, I know the ebbs and flows of friendship. I see the ways that other people are lacking or unable to satisfy my deeper need for love, attention, concern, wisdom. 

Each positive encounter with the people God has blessed me with I'm able to enjoy in the moment. But I often feel a sadness with the "goodbyes" that leave me acutely aware of the impermanence of human bonds in this world. 

What finite things of this world tempt you to find fulfillment in them?

• Wealth; comfort; indulging in the finer things (eg, good food)
• Status; power and influence in my job or the groups I belong to
• The esteem and love of other people
• Romantic relationships

How far are you willing to go to imagine the joy you are actually created for?

As far as prayer will take me. There is no end to the joy and peace that God has in store. My mind cannot conceive all the good things God has in store. 

Forever young, 

I wanna be forever young.
Do you really want to live 

Forever, forever, and ever?
Forever young (young)

I wanna be

     (Aye, may the best of your todays)

Forever young

      (Be the worst of your tomorrows)

Do you really want to live forever

Forever

St. Joe's Consecration 2 - The Role of Joseph and Mary in our Lives

 Luke 12:6-7

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God's sight. But even the hairs of your head are all counted. Do not be afraid; you are of more value . . . 

The Holy Family Shows Us How to Create a Healthy Home 
-Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik

There are hundreds of ways that parents can provide imperfect love. Whenever a parent puts his or her own feelings and needs before the child's, a lesson of imperfect love is being taught. When a parent selfishly neglects a child's needs for nurturance, imperfect love is taught. When a parent selfishly neglects a child's needs for autonomy, imperfect love is also taught. There are too many ways to list that parents love imperfectly, but we've all received it in some form and measure. We all love imperfectly, but this has the most influence on children who are made to learn what love is from their parents.

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 14)

Bottaro and Settle

What are the areas of miseducation you may have received from your childhood?

That love has to be earned. That love can be taken away without warning in confusing and unresolved ways. When my parents left me in India to get settled in America, I received a wound that increased my sensitivity to all forms of abandonment and rejection. There was a chip on my shoulder. From that point on, I thought I had to be perfect, especially in school, to be worthy of my parents' love. I carried with me an irrational fear that I could be abandoned at any moment for no discernable reason.

My identity, my drive, what major I chose in college, the fact that I went to medical school -- these all flowed from a misguided desire to please my parents. To this day, I have a hard time dealing with conflict or handling criticism in mature, self-secure ways. Perceived sleights linger. Any disagreements or misunderstandings can stay lodged in my heart. I become uncharitable and unloving as a result. Or ask (often silently or indirectly) for "proof" of other people's love and concern for me.

How might your parents' marriage have missed the mark of perfection in teaching you what love looks like?

There are times I remember my dad being insensitive to my mom's emotional needs, to the point of ridiculing her. I loved my mom so much because she was more tender with me and taught me how to pray. It hurt me to see her hurt. Though they were both dutiful with nightly family prayer, church functions, retreats, and other public displays of religiosity, I don't remember witnessing how God's love guided and upheld their marriage.

Even as my parents didn't express love for me with affection and affirmation, neither did my parents express affection or affirmation with each other. They laughed a lot together, spoke to us children in one, unified voice, and sacrificed much for each other. But there was something about their love that seemed almost held back or kept in check. It didn't seem generous or graceful or passionate.

How might your relationship with your mom and with your dad missed the mark?

I did not see clearly how to love others in self-secure way with generosity, affection and gratitude. Rather, I connected to love with co-dependency. Their love lacked trust in my autonomy or respect and delight in my unique gifts, my joyful sometimes whimsical nature, my openness to new experience and spontanaeity. I connected love with control and fear, guilt and and shame, unworthiness and dishonesty.

My dad did not know how to invite me into mature manhood. My weaknesses were pointed out, but my strengths, talents, and resilience were usually unacknowledged. I did not believe that my dad believed in me. He tended to talk down to me, dismiss me ideas, or put me down.

My mom had a hard time accepting my emotions. I often felt that my feelings were invalid and should be repressed or hidden. She did not know how to celebrate joyful moments, sometimes undercutting things I was proud of or excited for. She had a hard time holding me through painful situations without immediately offering off-the-mark direction or solutions.

Often, their stress and anxiety came out with impatience and sarcasm directed at me.

What specific mom-wounds and dad-wounds do you need healed?

• Abandonment
• Rejection
• Repression of emotions
• Criticism and redicule
• Anger, resentment, fear of conflict
• Passive aggression, lies, manipulation

St. Joe's Consecration 1 - Identity as a Child of the Father

Psalm 130 

With the Lord there is mercy and fullness of redemption

I trust in the Lord;

My soul trusts in His Word.

More than the watchmen wait for the morning--

More than the watchmen wait for the morning,

I wait for You.

What is it, then, for our hearts to rest in God? All human discontent can be summed up as not being in union with God. Therefore, union with God should be the only principal goal we pursue. This is a process. We don't get there all at once: the journey to union with God is the story of our own human development. 

We enter fully into God through the door of the humanity of Christ. We can't hope to develop our humanity in some way different from the way Christ developed His humanity--by means of a human mother and father through a poor and humble life in Nazareth. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(pp. 11-12)

Bottaro and Settle

Holy Family (by Vivian Imbruglia)

Who Do I Really See Myself As?

As a weak, often underachieving and disappointing person. Sometimes I believe that I am unworthy of love. I falsely and subconsciously believe that I must prove enough about my value to other people in order to "earn" their love, acceptance, and appreciation. Maybe that comes out in the clothes I wear or the fancy car I had bought when I first moved to DC. Maybe that comes out in my need to appear funny or smart or deep. At work, it explains my nervousness when giving certain presentations. With romantic relationships, in particular, I often beat myself up and am needy and insecure. 

(Imagine living as the child of rich king or a celebrity with endless resources)

Who is my actual father?

God the Creator of the Universe. The one who runs after me in His goodness and mercy. 

What kind of disposition should I walk around with?

Like I am cared for, protected, and provided for. That I have a mission and purpose that's much bigger than I can imagine. That God hopes that I live this mission every day. More than that, that He has given me so many gifts, protected me from so many consequences from my seen, that He gives me daily consolations and joys. He has given me such a big heart that cares and feels for other people and finds peace in His loving presence. 

How does this compare with the disposition I typically carry myself with?

It's almost the polar opposite. There's so much trust and peace and steadiness in the second disposition. Fewer ups and downs. More openness to see other people as they really are and offer my own gifts to them freely. 

How is my day-to-day emotional life?

It used to fluctuate quite a bit from day to day. I used to struggle to string together two steady and happy days in a row. I'd often feel depressed or anxious. Since completing a Marian consecration, I've experienced less emotional fluctuation. Even so, I still often battled resentments. That last piece, especially resentment about my parents, friends, and women, God has been purging from me more recently after I started an Exodus 90 men's group, prayed more consistently, and committed more concretely to freedom from sin, seeking help where it has been available to me.