St. Joe's Consecration Day 11: Vice of Anger and Virtue of Kindness

Hebrews 5:1-3

Every high priest is taken from among men and made their representative before God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sin. He is able to deal patiently with the ignorant and erring, for he himself is beset by weakness and so, for this reason, must make sin offerings for himself as well as for the people.

Joel 2:13

For gracious and merciful is He, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment. 

 "In the old days, people demanded 'an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,' and to repay evil for evil. Patience was not yet on the earth, because faith was not on the earth either. Of course, impatience made full use of the opportunities the Law gave it. That was easy when the Lord and Master of patience was not here. But now that he has come and put the grace of faith together with patience, we are no longer allowed to attack someone even with a word—not even to call someone a fool without facing the danger of judgment. The Law found more than it lost when Christ said, 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven' (Matthew 5:44-45). This most important commandment summarizes in a word the universal discipline of patience, since it does not allow us to do evil even to people who deserve it."

— Tertullian 

A Year with the Church Fathers: Patristic Wisdom for Daily Living 

(p. 104)

The heart of St. Joseph was molded in these virtues (see Joel 2:13). The way he loved Jesus and Our Lady was from his kind and loving heart. . . As Our Lady was about to deliver Jesus, the kind heart of Jesus desired to protect Our Lady and the Son of God. His kindness to Our Lady provided her a place to rest and deliver Jesus. 

. . . What was the response of Herod's heart when he learned of the Savior's birth? "When Herod realized that he had been deceived by the magi, he became furious. He ordered the massacre of all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had ascertained from the magi. (Mathew 2:16). His response was anger, which led to death. The kindness of St. Joseph led to life!

Do you struggle with responding to frustrations or the unexpected with anger?

Yes, there are times when my initial response to frustrations or the unexpected is to want to blame or disparage someone as the cause for whatever challenge I'm experiencing. I can dwell on their deficiencies or character defects. Or I'll respond to minor frustrations by cursing under my breath. 

How do you show kindness to those around you? In your family? Among your friends? 

I show kindness by giving people the benefit of the doubt. When my first response might be to express anger or frustration, I try to pause and think about the extenuating circumstances and struggles that other people are experiencing. I try to reframe their words or behavior in a better light and respond to them in that better light. I try to assume good intent, even finding the words for that intent when other people aren't able to articulate that themselves. 

Over time I've gotten better at this habitual response, especially with my mom and dad, my sister and my brother. With my friends, I let go of my disappointment and pride and continue reaching out to them even if I sometimes feel unheard or unappreciated. I speak to them with good will and hope and cheerfulness, even when I don't initially feel like adopting such an attitude. 

Do you struggle with receiving the kindness of others? 

No. I think I receive kindness well. I can do better by saying a simple "Thank You," instead of explaining away or qualifying compliments. 

Do you show mercy and kindness to those who have wounded you? Or does your heart still harbor anger? 

Yes, I try very hard to. Sometimes those feelings of anger and resentment from woundedness bubble up, either in response to specific incidents or seemingly at random. I can't control these thoughts appearing. But I can do my best to recognize them for what they are -- the devil's tools for division, self-pity, and unforgiveness. 

Where anger still resides in your heart, let us open that place to the kindness of the Father and ask St. Joseph's intercession for our healing.  

St. Joe's Consecration Day 10: The Vice of Envy and the Virtue of Love

 1 Peter 2:1-3

Rid yourself of all malice and all deceit, insincerity, envy, and all slander; like newborn infants, long for pure spiritual milk so that through it you may grow into salvation, for you have tasted that the Lord is good.

Love finds joy when another is successful. To love another is to be willing to suffer for them. When someone we love is given gifts or graces, we celebrate with them. 

. . . (Jesus and Mary) possessed gifts and graces that St. Joseph could never possess . . . He longed, not to possess or grasp for what they had, but to be a gift to them and humbly receive what they desired to give him -- their love. . . 

To love others with this kind of disinterested love means to first receive the love that God has for us. . . When we are missing this foundation, we will constantly be looking at the gifts of others as things that could give us value instead. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(pp. 40-41)

Bottaro and Settle

Do you long for things that others possess?

Yes, especially a stable family life. 

Do you compare yourself to others?

Yes, whether it's advancement in their vocations or markers of worldly success or adulthood that I lack, I do compare myself to others. I wonder what my life would be like if I had the parental love I needed or certain physical gifts or an earlier emotional maturity that comes from security in love. 

Do you wish that others didn't have the gifts and spiritual graces they do?

Sometimes, they less frequently. For example, I sometimes feel a pang of jealousy when I see engagement announcements or couples' vacation photos or the birth of children. Or I see others professional advances and experience momentary envy. 

I'm better able to happily appreciate the spiritual graces that others receive. 

Are you sad or joyful when a friend receives something you wish you had?

I'm usually joyful. I like to celebrate with friends and recognize and affirm their success and talent. 

Are you willing to suffer for the good of the other?

Yes, but I have to catch myself when I am stressed or tired. My generosity and attention for others can plummet to zero in those situations. 

Are you at peace with what the Father has given you?

No. There's more work and prayer and humility before that can happen. I need to ponder and meditate and God's great love for me. The more I pray and graciously receive His love, the more I can be at peace. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 9: Vice of Greed and Virtue of Generosity

Proverbs 11:24-25

One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; 

Another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.

This is the language of greed -- love and selfish desire for the material things, while being blinded to the value of spiritual things. . . St. Joseph lived a life of generosity . . . (He) freely chose to give his life to protect (Mary) and the Son of God. He lavished his love upon them. He protected Our Lady and the Son of God in such a hidden way that even his fellow villagers didn't know who Jesus was. 

St. Joseph knew that the treasure he possessed was the richest of all riches. 

. . . A heart disposed to greed closes itself off to others. 

. . . A generous heart, like the heart of St. Joseph, opens itself and gives everything it possesses. It empties itself for the good of the other. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(pp. 38-39)

Bottaro and Settle

Do you have a love of the things you possess or do you see all you have generously given to you by the Lord? 

I do still have a love of possessions and think too much about objects (e.g., new cell phones, new cars, clothes, etc.). I often forget that God is the source of all that I have. That my very life is a gift. 

Are you selfish about your time, your attention, your money, or sharing what you have?

Usually, no. Perhaps, if I harbor some grudge or resentment against a particular person or see them through the light of my own insecurity.  

How is your heart open to giving to others what the Lord has generously given to you? 

Donating my money to the Church or humanitarian causes. Spending time to join unfamiliar groups with a mission to heal divisions, welcome the marginalized, serve the suffering in my local Baltimore community. To make room for non-judgmental conversations with people facing struggles that are very different from my own. Reaching out to and staying in touch with friends and family, especially those who may be experiencing some kind of spiritual poverty. Teaching catechism, finding the courage to share Christ with others in conversation, especially non-believers.  

What are you holding back for yourself?

A hope or expectation that I'll have one day for myself all the markers of the "American dream" -- a nice car, a beautiful house, other creature comforts. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 8: The Vice of Pride and the Virtue of Humility

 When Joseph awoke from the dream, he humbly set aside his will to obey the will of God. "Instead of defending himself and demanding his rights, Joseph opts for a solution that represents an enormous sacrifice for him." (Pope Francis, homily December 23, 2013). Unlike Lucifer, who was dominated by pride, Joseph made a free and humble choice to serve God. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 36)

Bottaro and Settle

How does pride manifest in my life?

Whenever I feel the need to defend myself, hide my weaknesses, and point out the flaws in other people. Whenever I feel the desire to draw attention to myself or feel slighted if others don't pay attention to me. When I go out of my way to seek validation and affirmation, feeling entitled to it from other human beings, who like me are themselves weak and carrying their own crosses. 

Do I struggle to admit sin in the Sacrament of Confession?

Though I readily to Confession with a sense of hope and resolve, I sometimes find it hard to say plainly my sins without long pre-ambles of context that I use to somehow minimize my culpability. I long to hate more my sin and in a spirit of humility present them straightforwardly to Jesus. 

Practicing honesty with brothers in the faith has helped me be more humble in Confession. Admitting my sin openly and plainly helps take away the sin's power. That is the way to freedom.  

Do I envy others for gifts I don't possess? Do I seek affirmation for my own gifts?

Yes. It's easy to turn life into a series of checkboxes to mark off. For example, the fact that I'm single leads me to envy the people around me who are married and have the gift of a spouse. In doing so, I ignore and commit less seriously to the work God is doing in my soul to prepare me to be with Him. I confuse the means for the end. 

Yes, I do seek affirmation. And I've noticed how resentful I can sometimes be if I'm not affirmed. This leads to distance and barriers in my relationships. 

Am I willing to yield to the will of God for my own life? Or do I seek only my will?

I am willing to yield to the will of God for my life. I long desperately to know and do His will. I know that His plans for me are better than anything I could dream up. I pray that I grow to trust more in God every day.  

Can I share one of my poverties with the Lord today? 

Procrastination. Out of fear or anxiety, I know that I can fail to plan ahead and make steady progress on my work or different responsibilities that I have in my personal life. This ultimately leads to unnecessary stress, conflict, and lower quality outcomes for me. Sometimes I'm dishonest with myself and others about how my deficiencies and idleness have led to difficult circumstances. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 7: Personality Reformation

 Psalm 40:4; Psalm 1:1-2

Blessed are they who hope in the Lord.

Blessed the man who follows not

    the counsel of the wicked

Nor walks in the way of sinners,

    nor sits in the company of the insolent,

But delights in the law of the LORD

    and meditates on his law day and night.

Blessed are they who hope in the Lord

Joseph, who sacrificed his own physical sexuality for the good of his wife and God's plan for both of them, can come to our aid to help us make the sacrifices of love that we are called to make . . . As we unite ourselves more deeply to Christ, spiritually through our Baptism and psychologically through our growth in faith, we can be perfected by the motherhood of Mary and the fatherhood of Joseph, in the perfect school of love of the Holy Family. 

. . . Jesus develops in us, as he developed in the little home of Nazareth . . . This growth occurs in the watchful gaze and guidance of Mary and Joseph. They are our parents in the faith. 

Let's take Mary into our home as Joseph did, trusting in God's plan. 

Let's submit ourselves in silent prayer as Joseph did, in obedience to God's will. 

Let's make courageous decisions when prompted by the Spirit of God as Joseph did, even when they go against what we might feel like doing. 

Let's say "Yes" to God, that Jesus may grow within us and we may become the saints we are created to be. 

Sagrada Familia
Bartalome Esteban Murillo

What part of my personality have I let slide that is not in conformity with the saint God wants me to be? 

My sociability and extroversion, though often a great strength and gift for others, can also be the source of insecurity and distraction. Especially when this part of my personality becomes a mechanism for my own validation and comfort. When I rely too much on the company and attention of my friends and family, when I seek too quickly for their words, their warmth for strength and support, I fail to leave room for the God of infinite grace and mercy to direct me in His Way. 

Especially in moments of trial, suffering, stress, and fatigue, I can conform myself to God's mold and allow Jesus to grow within me if I but put myself in the right disposition for prayer: interior silence, humility, and gratitude for all the great work God is doing in my life and in the world. For salvation comes to us even now in the small moments. And the Kingdom of God is at hand.  

St. Joe's Consecration Day 6 - Love vs Use

 " . . . celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of God not only does not contradict the dignity of marriage but presupposes and confirms it . . . 

. . . Through his complete self-sacrifice, Joseph expressed his generous love for the Mother of God and gave her a husband's 'gift of self.' . . . Joseph obeyed the explicit command of the angel and took Mary into his home, while respecting the fact that she belonged exclusively to God."

-Redemptoris Custos, p. 20

Without faith, we are tempted to look for the satisfaction of our (intense) desire for (intimate and infinite) love here and now. With faith and hope, we direct our longing to something bigger than what we see and feel . . . Faith and hope, even if they require a sacrifice of immediate gratification, draw us out of ourselves and carry us beyond this time to a place where God exists. 

. . . As lofty and spiritual as this formation sounds, it is carried out in the simple circumstances of human lives. It is first experienced in the family. 

. . . Our Father loves us so much that He is ready, willing, and able to provide for us everything that will actually fill our hearts.

What strings are attached to the love I give others?

My love sometimes comes with it an expectation that the people I give love to reciprocate. That they are receptive and gracious and "return the favor." In that sense, it is not a free gift. 

There are many ways my mind can have me focus on how someone else's response to my love is lacking. In the ways that I harbor resentment or grasp at what is only another's to give, my gifts are not free. I am no longer loving the way God loves me. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 5 - Hope vs Despair

Luke 12:35

Jesus said to His disciples: 

Gird your loins and light your lamps and be like servants who await their master's return from a wedding, ready to open immediately when he comes and knocks . . . And should he come in the second or third watch and find them prepared in this way, blessed are those servants."

 

The Prophesy of Simeon

Guided by the Spirit, Simeon came into the temple . . . when the parents brought the child Jesus . . . Simeon took him in his arms and praised God:

". . . My eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the presence of all peoples, a light for revelation . . . "

Luke 2:25,30

"(Jesus's and Mary's) future suffering was ever present to me and became my daily cross. I became, in union with my holy spouse, co-redemptor of the human race. Through compassion for (their) sufferings, I cooperated, as no other, in the salvation of the world. 

St. Joseph's Words to Sr. Mary Eprhem (1958)

Apparitions from Our Lady of the Americas and St. Joseph

To love is to be vulnerable to suffering. To love perfectly is to be vulnerable to the greatest suffering. We look at our Lady who held the dead body of her son and we can't even imagine the pain of that suffering. Yet we also see in her example the witness of perfect hope. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 24)

Bottaro and Settle

Attachments are not things we love, but the things we love without placing them in the context of God's plan. What attachments keep us from perfect hope? What specific relationships or desires do I need to purify?

• An attachment to my parents, especially a misguided desire to please them in hopes of confirming my value as a human being deserving love
• An attachment to my job, as validation of my talents or an outward sign of my abilities and worth to the world, as an indicator that I'm a productive member of society, and therefore worthy of respect, honor, and admiration
• An attachment to the vocation of marriage, especially as it relates to my desire to love, be fruitful and life-giving in the way I see other people love their spouses and raise their children

St. Joseph, hold these attachments, relationships, and desires in your pure heart. 

Help me reorient my love in the full light of God's plan.