St. Joe's Consecration Day 7: Personality Reformation

 Psalm 40:4; Psalm 1:1-2

Blessed are they who hope in the Lord.

Blessed the man who follows not

    the counsel of the wicked

Nor walks in the way of sinners,

    nor sits in the company of the insolent,

But delights in the law of the LORD

    and meditates on his law day and night.

Blessed are they who hope in the Lord

Joseph, who sacrificed his own physical sexuality for the good of his wife and God's plan for both of them, can come to our aid to help us make the sacrifices of love that we are called to make . . . As we unite ourselves more deeply to Christ, spiritually through our Baptism and psychologically through our growth in faith, we can be perfected by the motherhood of Mary and the fatherhood of Joseph, in the perfect school of love of the Holy Family. 

. . . Jesus develops in us, as he developed in the little home of Nazareth . . . This growth occurs in the watchful gaze and guidance of Mary and Joseph. They are our parents in the faith. 

Let's take Mary into our home as Joseph did, trusting in God's plan. 

Let's submit ourselves in silent prayer as Joseph did, in obedience to God's will. 

Let's make courageous decisions when prompted by the Spirit of God as Joseph did, even when they go against what we might feel like doing. 

Let's say "Yes" to God, that Jesus may grow within us and we may become the saints we are created to be. 

Sagrada Familia
Bartalome Esteban Murillo

What part of my personality have I let slide that is not in conformity with the saint God wants me to be? 

My sociability and extroversion, though often a great strength and gift for others, can also be the source of insecurity and distraction. Especially when this part of my personality becomes a mechanism for my own validation and comfort. When I rely too much on the company and attention of my friends and family, when I seek too quickly for their words, their warmth for strength and support, I fail to leave room for the God of infinite grace and mercy to direct me in His Way. 

Especially in moments of trial, suffering, stress, and fatigue, I can conform myself to God's mold and allow Jesus to grow within me if I but put myself in the right disposition for prayer: interior silence, humility, and gratitude for all the great work God is doing in my life and in the world. For salvation comes to us even now in the small moments. And the Kingdom of God is at hand.  

St. Joe's Consecration Day 6 - Love vs Use

 " . . . celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of God not only does not contradict the dignity of marriage but presupposes and confirms it . . . 

. . . Through his complete self-sacrifice, Joseph expressed his generous love for the Mother of God and gave her a husband's 'gift of self.' . . . Joseph obeyed the explicit command of the angel and took Mary into his home, while respecting the fact that she belonged exclusively to God."

-Redemptoris Custos, p. 20

Without faith, we are tempted to look for the satisfaction of our (intense) desire for (intimate and infinite) love here and now. With faith and hope, we direct our longing to something bigger than what we see and feel . . . Faith and hope, even if they require a sacrifice of immediate gratification, draw us out of ourselves and carry us beyond this time to a place where God exists. 

. . . As lofty and spiritual as this formation sounds, it is carried out in the simple circumstances of human lives. It is first experienced in the family. 

. . . Our Father loves us so much that He is ready, willing, and able to provide for us everything that will actually fill our hearts.

What strings are attached to the love I give others?

My love sometimes comes with it an expectation that the people I give love to reciprocate. That they are receptive and gracious and "return the favor." In that sense, it is not a free gift. 

There are many ways my mind can have me focus on how someone else's response to my love is lacking. In the ways that I harbor resentment or grasp at what is only another's to give, my gifts are not free. I am no longer loving the way God loves me. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 5 - Hope vs Despair

Luke 12:35

Jesus said to His disciples: 

Gird your loins and light your lamps and be like servants who await their master's return from a wedding, ready to open immediately when he comes and knocks . . . And should he come in the second or third watch and find them prepared in this way, blessed are those servants."

 

The Prophesy of Simeon

Guided by the Spirit, Simeon came into the temple . . . when the parents brought the child Jesus . . . Simeon took him in his arms and praised God:

". . . My eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the presence of all peoples, a light for revelation . . . "

Luke 2:25,30

"(Jesus's and Mary's) future suffering was ever present to me and became my daily cross. I became, in union with my holy spouse, co-redemptor of the human race. Through compassion for (their) sufferings, I cooperated, as no other, in the salvation of the world. 

St. Joseph's Words to Sr. Mary Eprhem (1958)

Apparitions from Our Lady of the Americas and St. Joseph

To love is to be vulnerable to suffering. To love perfectly is to be vulnerable to the greatest suffering. We look at our Lady who held the dead body of her son and we can't even imagine the pain of that suffering. Yet we also see in her example the witness of perfect hope. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 24)

Bottaro and Settle

Attachments are not things we love, but the things we love without placing them in the context of God's plan. What attachments keep us from perfect hope? What specific relationships or desires do I need to purify?

• An attachment to my parents, especially a misguided desire to please them in hopes of confirming my value as a human being deserving love
• An attachment to my job, as validation of my talents or an outward sign of my abilities and worth to the world, as an indicator that I'm a productive member of society, and therefore worthy of respect, honor, and admiration
• An attachment to the vocation of marriage, especially as it relates to my desire to love, be fruitful and life-giving in the way I see other people love their spouses and raise their children

St. Joseph, hold these attachments, relationships, and desires in your pure heart. 

Help me reorient my love in the full light of God's plan. 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 4: Faith vs Doubt

Psalm 91:14

Because he cleaves to me in love,

I will deliver him;

I will protect him,

Because he knows my name.

Joseph's Dream
Edward Jarmosiewicz

What (Joseph) did was the clearest ‘obedience of faith.’ The Council teaches that the obedience of faith must be given to God as He reveals Himself . . . 

. . . Joseph is a kind of reversal of the disobedience of Lucifer. . . Lucifer doubted God’s goodness. Joseph trusted in God’s goodness. Lucifer rejected God’s plan for humanity. Joseph accepted God’s plan for humanity. 

-Redemptoris Custos

In Saint Joseph, we find the model of perfect trust and obedience. He had every reason to fear what lay before him, but he heard the message of the angel and trusted. He knew God's ways and he followed them . . . We are invited to put everything on the line and radically trust that God is good, that He has a plan for us, (that His plan is much better than anything we can imagine for ourselves), and that following His ways will lead us along this path.

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 22)

Bottaro and Settle

How does the devil tempt us to doubt God's plan working in our life?

• By distracting us with the vanities and comforts of the world. By tricking us into preferring these passing things, we focus on what we don't have (in particular, the things others have that we don't). This can lead to envy, self-hatred, anxiety, depression, and even despair. Moreover, we become blind to the opportunities to know and love Christ and to share Christ with the members of His body. 
• Because we focus on what we don't have, forgetting that life itself is an undeserved gift and how overabundantly God's mercy flows and how He runs to be with us, we lose our trust in God the Father. We begin to doubt whether He really cares for us, that He will truly provide for us. We suspect that maybe He is the one trying to trick us or deprive us somehow. All of this doubt, when we ought to know deep down how self-deceptive and confused our very hearts can be. And that we believe in a God who created us and knows us better than we can even know ourselves. 
• Satan (the Great Accuser) wins his battle when he tricks us into accusing our loving God.

What are we afraid of?

• Appearing foolish or naive in front of other people. Being misunderstood.
• That God doesn't actually love us. That we're not good enough to be loved by Him and somehow have to prove or earn our worthiness
• That God is secretly a tyrant and that by surrendering to Him we will lose the things that we have become attached to or seek (pleasure, security, esteem, wealth, status, admiration)  

What are our greatest temptations against faith?

• That somehow we are being lied to or deceived
• That believing will bring on hardships and fearing the hardships more than we love and trust God
• That getting to Heaven will somehow be unpleasant drudgery all the way through; that we're giving up something seemingly valuable for something promised that we can't see and find it hard to even imagine 

 

St. Joe's Consecration Day 3 - Desire for the Infinite

 

"If I find in myself a desire that no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. 

-C. S. Lewis

Mere Christianity

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. 

C. S. Lewis

The Weight of Glory

The Death of St. Joseph
Miguel Cabrera

(Jesus) died for us that we may be restored to a life we don't even clearly realize we lost. 

We may get a sense every once in a while of the infinite chasm of desire that exists within us. It is too terrifying to dwell in for very long, but we are certainly familiar with the lack of having enough. We seek our satisfaction in human love or things of this world, but feel like we are falling short all too often. We then blame ourselves or our loved ones for this emptiness . . .

. . . for now consider this: Jesus saw in his parents as he grew up the greatest human love possible between a husband and a wife, wrapped into the life of celibacy at the same time. The celibate marital love of Mary and Joseph formed Jesus to understand how our insatiable thirst could be directed beyond this world.

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 18)

Bottaro and Settle

What joys has God blessed you with in your life?

• Faithful, self-sacrificing parents
• 2 siblings and 39 cousins, especially the ones I've grown close to
• Academic success and professional achievements
• Warm, enriching friendships 
• A good salary; having a fancy car when I first moved to DC
• Consolations in prayer and in appreciating others strengths and love

Did they leave you satisfied? If so, for how long?

All the joys that have to do with my relationships do bring longer periods of satisfaction, much longer and more significant than, say, my salary or what car I drive. But even then, I know the ebbs and flows of friendship. I see the ways that other people are lacking or unable to satisfy my deeper need for love, attention, concern, wisdom. 

Each positive encounter with the people God has blessed me with I'm able to enjoy in the moment. But I often feel a sadness with the "goodbyes" that leave me acutely aware of the impermanence of human bonds in this world. 

What finite things of this world tempt you to find fulfillment in them?

• Wealth; comfort; indulging in the finer things (eg, good food)
• Status; power and influence in my job or the groups I belong to
• The esteem and love of other people
• Romantic relationships

How far are you willing to go to imagine the joy you are actually created for?

As far as prayer will take me. There is no end to the joy and peace that God has in store. My mind cannot conceive all the good things God has in store. 

Forever young, 

I wanna be forever young.
Do you really want to live 

Forever, forever, and ever?
Forever young (young)

I wanna be

     (Aye, may the best of your todays)

Forever young

      (Be the worst of your tomorrows)

Do you really want to live forever

Forever

St. Joe's Consecration 2 - The Role of Joseph and Mary in our Lives

 Luke 12:6-7

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God's sight. But even the hairs of your head are all counted. Do not be afraid; you are of more value . . . 

The Holy Family Shows Us How to Create a Healthy Home 
-Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik

There are hundreds of ways that parents can provide imperfect love. Whenever a parent puts his or her own feelings and needs before the child's, a lesson of imperfect love is being taught. When a parent selfishly neglects a child's needs for nurturance, imperfect love is taught. When a parent selfishly neglects a child's needs for autonomy, imperfect love is also taught. There are too many ways to list that parents love imperfectly, but we've all received it in some form and measure. We all love imperfectly, but this has the most influence on children who are made to learn what love is from their parents.

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(p. 14)

Bottaro and Settle

What are the areas of miseducation you may have received from your childhood?

That love has to be earned. That love can be taken away without warning in confusing and unresolved ways. When my parents left me in India to get settled in America, I received a wound that increased my sensitivity to all forms of abandonment and rejection. There was a chip on my shoulder. From that point on, I thought I had to be perfect, especially in school, to be worthy of my parents' love. I carried with me an irrational fear that I could be abandoned at any moment for no discernable reason.

My identity, my drive, what major I chose in college, the fact that I went to medical school -- these all flowed from a misguided desire to please my parents. To this day, I have a hard time dealing with conflict or handling criticism in mature, self-secure ways. Perceived sleights linger. Any disagreements or misunderstandings can stay lodged in my heart. I become uncharitable and unloving as a result. Or ask (often silently or indirectly) for "proof" of other people's love and concern for me.

How might your parents' marriage have missed the mark of perfection in teaching you what love looks like?

There are times I remember my dad being insensitive to my mom's emotional needs, to the point of ridiculing her. I loved my mom so much because she was more tender with me and taught me how to pray. It hurt me to see her hurt. Though they were both dutiful with nightly family prayer, church functions, retreats, and other public displays of religiosity, I don't remember witnessing how God's love guided and upheld their marriage.

Even as my parents didn't express love for me with affection and affirmation, neither did my parents express affection or affirmation with each other. They laughed a lot together, spoke to us children in one, unified voice, and sacrificed much for each other. But there was something about their love that seemed almost held back or kept in check. It didn't seem generous or graceful or passionate.

How might your relationship with your mom and with your dad missed the mark?

I did not see clearly how to love others in self-secure way with generosity, affection and gratitude. Rather, I connected to love with co-dependency. Their love lacked trust in my autonomy or respect and delight in my unique gifts, my joyful sometimes whimsical nature, my openness to new experience and spontanaeity. I connected love with control and fear, guilt and and shame, unworthiness and dishonesty.

My dad did not know how to invite me into mature manhood. My weaknesses were pointed out, but my strengths, talents, and resilience were usually unacknowledged. I did not believe that my dad believed in me. He tended to talk down to me, dismiss me ideas, or put me down.

My mom had a hard time accepting my emotions. I often felt that my feelings were invalid and should be repressed or hidden. She did not know how to celebrate joyful moments, sometimes undercutting things I was proud of or excited for. She had a hard time holding me through painful situations without immediately offering off-the-mark direction or solutions.

Often, their stress and anxiety came out with impatience and sarcasm directed at me.

What specific mom-wounds and dad-wounds do you need healed?

• Abandonment
• Rejection
• Repression of emotions
• Criticism and redicule
• Anger, resentment, fear of conflict
• Passive aggression, lies, manipulation

St. Joe's Consecration 1 - Identity as a Child of the Father

Psalm 130 

With the Lord there is mercy and fullness of redemption

I trust in the Lord;

My soul trusts in His Word.

More than the watchmen wait for the morning--

More than the watchmen wait for the morning,

I wait for You.

What is it, then, for our hearts to rest in God? All human discontent can be summed up as not being in union with God. Therefore, union with God should be the only principal goal we pursue. This is a process. We don't get there all at once: the journey to union with God is the story of our own human development. 

We enter fully into God through the door of the humanity of Christ. We can't hope to develop our humanity in some way different from the way Christ developed His humanity--by means of a human mother and father through a poor and humble life in Nazareth. 

From Consecration to Jesus through Saint Joseph:

An Integrated Look at the Holy Family

(pp. 11-12)

Bottaro and Settle

Holy Family (by Vivian Imbruglia)

Who Do I Really See Myself As?

As a weak, often underachieving and disappointing person. Sometimes I believe that I am unworthy of love. I falsely and subconsciously believe that I must prove enough about my value to other people in order to "earn" their love, acceptance, and appreciation. Maybe that comes out in the clothes I wear or the fancy car I had bought when I first moved to DC. Maybe that comes out in my need to appear funny or smart or deep. At work, it explains my nervousness when giving certain presentations. With romantic relationships, in particular, I often beat myself up and am needy and insecure. 

(Imagine living as the child of rich king or a celebrity with endless resources)

Who is my actual father?

God the Creator of the Universe. The one who runs after me in His goodness and mercy. 

What kind of disposition should I walk around with?

Like I am cared for, protected, and provided for. That I have a mission and purpose that's much bigger than I can imagine. That God hopes that I live this mission every day. More than that, that He has given me so many gifts, protected me from so many consequences from my seen, that He gives me daily consolations and joys. He has given me such a big heart that cares and feels for other people and finds peace in His loving presence. 

How does this compare with the disposition I typically carry myself with?

It's almost the polar opposite. There's so much trust and peace and steadiness in the second disposition. Fewer ups and downs. More openness to see other people as they really are and offer my own gifts to them freely. 

How is my day-to-day emotional life?

It used to fluctuate quite a bit from day to day. I used to struggle to string together two steady and happy days in a row. I'd often feel depressed or anxious. Since completing a Marian consecration, I've experienced less emotional fluctuation. Even so, I still often battled resentments. That last piece, especially resentment about my parents, friends, and women, God has been purging from me more recently after I started an Exodus 90 men's group, prayed more consistently, and committed more concretely to freedom from sin, seeking help where it has been available to me.